“Motherland” was released on November 13, 2001, in the period between the 9/11 attacks and when I headed off for Germany in early 2002. I had never been a 10,000 Maniacs fan, despite the urging of my friend Alec from high school, because in those days, I didn’t listen to much of anything that came out after 1973. That changed once I got to college, but that’s a story for another day. While I was in college, though, two songs from Merchant’s album “Ophelia” got some airplay – “Kind and Generous” and “Break Your Heart“, though the latter was only very occasionally.
Despite the infrequent airplay, I really liked the song “Break Your Heart”. This, in turn, led me to buy “Ophelia”, and for a time there, it was probably fair to say that I was obsessed with the album. This is the reason that I bought the “Motherland” album the day it came out, and was absolutely shocked to see that the album was dedicated to the victims of 9/11, which had happened a scant two months prior. However, the album “Motherland” didn’t speak to me the same way “Ophelia” had, though I did listen through it a good number of times.
I did love the title track of “Motherland”. The track begins lazy and swirling, evocative of music used in kids’ shows to indicate “France”, but is melancholy enough to also European locales much further east. I won’t go through the lyrics thoroughly, but the idea of the song is of someone encouraging another to leave the place they are in for good because the choice is the better for the one being encouraged to go. The hangup is that the place they are in is home, and the way the world is changing, there will be no way for the person being addressed to come back, and yet the singer is encouraging the addressee to be brave and go, even though the singer seems to be trapped in that place. There then is a little bit that touches on being tied down someplace and freedom.
One of the most obvious things that this made me think of in my life was a dear friend whose family, because of their German ancestry, was able to leave what had been the USSR for Germany as everything kind of fell apart there. (I have no idea if she has any connection to Russia, but I’d wager “King of May” has some connection to Tsar Nicholas II, but I digress – again!) For this friend, even to go back there, there’s a deep familiarity, but his family is no longer there, friends have grown up and gone off, and the city even renamed itself a few years back.
More generally, this happens to a lot of people. It happened to me when I was 13, that the only home I had known was gone, and there was no way back. As much as there is pain associated there, the decision to fight to keep going forward had to be made and had to be fought for on an almost daily basis. Over at Rod Dreher’s substack, the conversation has turned a bit to thoughts of home (paywall, unfortunately), both of returning (or the impossibility thereof) or making it to our eternal home. (This, in turn, got me thinking of this song, which got me writing about it, etc…)
In any case, this song is incredibly connected to that time in my life in 2001 when I knew I’d be leaving everything behind again, though this time it was totally my choice and my responsibility whether I succeeded or failed. It is connected to that friend. It is connected to weird little memories of things like listening to it late at night while sitting at the laundromat on the military post where I worked in Germany.
There is one place where I take issue with the singer, though. It’s where she sings “It’s your happiness I want most of all/And for that I’d do anything at all…” In the great scheme of things, happiness is often a fleeting emotion. What would I put there? Well, I know she’s not a religious singer, but the best thing I seem to be able to come up with to replace it is “holiness”. We know that wouldn’t fly, though… pop songs mentioning holiness? NO! But as somebody who has really struggled with the idea of “home”, it’s incredible how many people get pulled off of getting to the place where our souls are at rest with silly little quests for happiness.
Breath of Hallelujah 
One thought on “Music Memory – “Motherland” – Natalie Merchant”