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  • Sunday Gratitude – 2.VIII.2026

    Sunday Gratitude – 2.VIII.2026

    Boy, has it been busy the last couple of weeks! More appointments than I could shake a stick at, and a couple of weekend events as well. I’m very grateful that things pretty much went off without a hitch, and appointments were met, things a t home have been pretty quiet, and events were enjoyable.

    One of the events that I went to last Sunday was German Fest in Milwaukee. I had toyed with the idea of biking the 16 or so miles up to church, and then continuing on the eight from church to the fest, but I’m happy that I didn’t do that. Instead, I put my bike in the car and drove up to church, changed quickly afterwards in the bathroom, then biked the 8 up to German Fest. I had never biked along the Lakefront Path before, and it was really beautiful, albeit busy with people, making it impossible to go very fast. For me, one of the draws is that I get to see people I know, and so that was really fun. (I just wish my German dress still fit me.)

    I biked the 8 miles back to the car, and at the end I was tired, and I was grateful I didn’t have 16 more to go, but I didn’t feel terrible either. Last year, I parked in a place where it was a four mile ride from my car to the fest, and on the way back, I felt like I was dying. However, I probably hadn’t even been on a bike in at least 2-3 years before then. And now, well, between the Thursday afternoon before German Fest and the following Friday afternoon, I biked over fifty miles, and it was challenging, but fun. 🙂 I’m grateful for the opportunity to be working on my health.

    Silly thing, but my older son was looking for 32 gigabyte SD cards for something. I figured that that was easy enough; as long as I can remember, those things aren’t wildly expensive. Imagine my shock when I walked into Best Buy to get one, and they all seemed to be over $45. Insane. I told him to hold off on buying one, and though I often have miscellaneous extra memory cards and such around, there was nothing that would help him in this instance. Mind you, though, that I haven’t purchased any of these in at least 3 years. The next day, he and his sister went to the gym, and I decided to check out WalMart. Wouldn’t you know, but the price was almost as bad. However, there were two associates who came up right by me, one of them holding a plastic case. Wouldn’t you know, but there were two 32GB SD cards in it. They seemed to be confused about where they wanted to put the item, as it had originally come from the outdoor section, as these two were marketed for trail cams. Nobody is looking for SD cards in the outdoor section! I’m sure this is why this was marked down to $8.50. I proceeded to ask if I could buy it, and they were happy to oblige me, as that also meant that they didn’t have to find a place to put them in the case. I am very grateful I didn’t have to shell out three times as much for the same item.

    After German Fest, I went over to my church’s church picnic. That was fun, too. The location is great, and it’s nice to hang out with good people. Summer days are beautiful like that.

    Speaking of summer days, we finally got some rain. I don’t think it rained at all in July until the 27th and it was kind of sad seeing everybody’s lawns turning brown. I had mowed right around the last week of June, and I had meant to a couple of weeks after that, and I actually started to, but after about 10 minutes of mowing, I twisted my ankle and it hurt too much to keep going. By the next day already, I didn’t know if it was safe to mow, but it was interesting to see how those strips that I did mow turned very, very brown, and I’m grateful I didn’t cut the whole lawn and have it looking like that.

    On the weather front, we had strong storms that came through on the 27th. Friends of mine in Milwaukee had power knocked out, but here, thankfully, we kept power, there was no hail, etc. Unfortunately, this was not the case in all of Wisconsin, and the town of Menasha, in particular, got hit badly. My kids and I signed up for an event months ago that takes place in this area; once I heard that there was a tornado, I checked back to see if the event had been cancelled. It didn’t seem to be, so we drove up to the area and just happened to end up on the street here that this man is driving on in the first 3 minutes of the video here.

    How did I end up in Menasha? Well, our first destination was in a small town called Combined Locks. The driving on the interstate had been miserable due to rain, and at a certain point, I couldn’t take it any more, and looked for the first exit off, knowing I could come up the western side of Lake Winnebago to get to where I wanted to go. It just happens that Menasha is pretty much on the western side of the tip of Lake Winnebago, so by getting off the interstate, it pretty much meant going through Menasha. It was weird, too, because at first, I just noticed that there were a lot of tree branches and stuff on the sides of the road, and it kind of dawned on me that that must have been a result of the storm. I did not know that within about 15 minutes, we’d be driving through a disaster zone like this. The crazy thing is, though, that once I got through Menasha, my destination was about six miles down the road, and over there, things looked completely normal. For as bad as the tornado was though, it’s amazing that not a single person was killed – certainly something to be grateful for.

    The event that the little kids and I went to was a bike ride/music festival called “Bike to the Beat“. The event took place on Saturday, but the four of us made a little mini-vacation out of it, and it was an awful lot of fun. The drive up was absolutely horrendous, lasting 4 hours when 2.5 is more normal. It rained the whole time and there were accidents and road construction in the Milwaukee area. I was so incredibly grateful both to get off the interstate and to actually arrive at the hotel.

    Manitowoc train tracks Lake Michigan

    BIke to the Beat was amazing, even apart from a couple of wrinkles in the day, and I am grateful that there were no mechanical issues with the bikes, we had all the tools, I didn’t forget any pedals or anything, etc. More than that though, the kids enjoyed the hotel a lot and we took a little detour through Manitowoc on the way back, and it was really a good trip. I’m the type of person who is always trying to anticipate what might go wrong in order to avoid any pitfalls, and when things go off with no major issues, I am grateful.

    I’m grateful, too, that after far too long, I got to video chat with a dear friend. I’m grateful, too that through everything, the friendship holds.

    Wow, it’s been a full couple of weeks! Thank you all for your patience with me! I am certainly grateful for all of you!


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  • Thoughts of a Wretch

    Thoughts of a Wretch

    Amazing grace, how sweet the sound

    That saved a wretch like me!

    As I have been spending more time around Protestants again, one thing I’ve really felt present is the sense of a state of pervasive wretchedness. Maybe that sounds weird, so let me try to explain.

    Having grown up a non-denominational Protestant, the main focus of Christianity becomes Jesus and one’s relationship with Him, primarily manifested in the question, “Are you saved?” “Saved from what?” one may ask. The answer to that question usually has something to do with being saved from Satan, hell, eternal damnation, or something similar.

    Now, there’s nothing that is inherently wrong about Christianity regarding Jesus as being the center of our religion. I won’t even argue that we do need saved or that hell sounds like someplace I’d like to avoid at all costs. However, the more time I spend listening to a more Protestant viewpoint, the more I am aware of why I have issues with many of those viewpoints.

    One of the things that I’ve pondered at length is the view of the human person. The Protestant perspective seems to be that because of sin, man is wretched, utterly depraved, and incapable of doing anything good. It is only through God’s Grace that man can come to be with Him in heaven. I’m not a theologian by any means, but the perspective that I’ve come to through Orthodoxy is that God created man not just as something good, but as something “very good”. Because of sin, we have a fallen nature, and we have no competency to be restored to God on our own, resulting in the necessity of the sacrifice of God’s only Son. However, there is still a sense that there is something good and – as possessors of souls and bearers of the Image of God – even holy, which is innate to the human person, despite the sin that clings to us so tightly. In the free will that God has given to us, we can turn to him and be perfected, or we can continue on in our own willfulness.

    Why does this make a difference? In both case s, we are wretched. I would even wager that in a world filled with “feel good” pastiches of true Christianity (“I’m okay, you’re okay, God loves us all”) there’s almost something comforting in coming back to the idea that is never far in Orthodoxy that one’s own self is chief among sinners.

    What makes this different from the Protestant idea of wretchedness comes down to whether there’s anything in mankind worth saving. As many children are, I was very literal in my early understanding, and after years and years of having it drilled in my head that people are absolutely wretched beings who, if God were thoroughly just, ought to be totally obliterated; that this is what we deserve. It feels like it’s an inherited damnation from which there is no escape, that this “love” that God supposedly has for us is also a fire which will burn us up in our entirety, because there is no gold amongst the impurity. I spent years and years begging God that I would be saved, because even as a child, I understood in my bones that simply saying something or thinking something did not make something true. I really felt like I was a wretch not worth loving, and not only did that really affect my relationship with God, but it really affected my relationships with other people as well as my own psychological well-being.

    What changed? This might sound really strange, but I had an experience as a 20-year-old, where I was in a familiar place, and it turned light, and not only did God, in His Grace, give me a glimpse of how I was viewed by a dear friend, but for the first time in my life, I felt truly beloved by Him. The experience probably only lasted a couple of minutes, but it was life-changing. Not long after that I “found” the Orthodox Church. To my amazement, despite the emphasis on being “first among sinners”, the idea of wretchedness didn’t hurt me the same way because of the belief that God created us out of love as something “very good” and that has not changed. With our free will, we can choose to flee evil, and God will help us and stay alongside us in that endeavor, and through Jesus we are redeemed to Him.

    Yellow Crocus

    In the past weeks (and even months) I’ve had many thoughts bouncing through my head, but one of the things that I keep coming back to is the idea that it is incredibly important to hold the idea of being “chief among sinners” in one hand. Wretch, if you will. However, I think in the other hand we need to be able to hold the ideas that 1) we were created in Love because God loves us 2) the sacrifice of Jesus happened because He desires our restoration to Him so badly and 3) even if I (or you – or any one person) were the only person who needed to be redeemed in such a way, He would do it willingly because every single one of us is individually that dear to Him. While those three things certainly can be convicting, at the same time, they serve as comfort. Wretch that I am, I can be chief among sinners without having to believe that there is nothing about me that should be loved.

    There’s actually a good bit more string to unravel in this train of thought; I just struggle to be organized in life, and I struggle to sit down and write, and I struggle to get words down that make some sort of sense together. Life is always a work in progress, isn’t it?


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  • Sunday Gratitude – 15.II.2026

    Sunday Gratitude – 15.II.2026

    First of all, I’m going to say that I’m incredibly grateful that younger son has gone through surgery on his ear and he seems to be recovering well. To some degree, this is an extension of the ear saga that began back in 2022, when the kids and I were all sick with something that caused ear infections and a couple of us to have eardrums rupture. After that, he had to have tubes put in, and this surgery – which is probably the first of two – is hopefully the wrap-up to this. However, things went well, and the first follow-up looked good, so I can’t be anything but grateful for that.

    As luck would have it, in the same week that younger son had surgery, my youngest wasn’t feeling good and it turns out she had strep. Also middle daughter was complaining of her wrist hurting after an unsuccessful handstand at school. There was nothing to indicate that it was terribly bad, but after she was complaining about it for a couple of weeks, it seemed prudent to have it checked out. Add in an orthodontist appointment for my oldest, and seriously, within five days, there was medical appointments for four of my children. Yet I am grateful that it all kind of worked out, and apart from the ear surgery, nothing has turned out to be terribly serious.

    I wasn’t the only one with a bike there!

    I am grateful that despite turning my ankle once again, nothing seems to be broken. I am also grateful that it is much easier for me to be able to sit and rest an ankle, if need be, with the kids being able to do quite a bit independently. If nothing else, the repeated ankle-twisting makes me all the more glad to be able to ride a bike.

    The weather has been phenomenal the last week or so, and it’s been a joy to be able to go out, quite unexpectedly, on the bicycle. It was great, though at the same time, I rode ten miles on Friday and I felt it more on Saturday than I would have even a couple of months ago. Today was so nice that I spent some time in the sun actually working on the bikes a little, getting them up to speed, and then trying to set up some of the bike stuff that I got over the winter as part of Amazon Vine. Amazon Vine is kind of a interesting program, and I’m grateful to be part of it and get items in exchange for reviews.

    I’m also grateful to the shop that is holding younger son’s birthday present. I mentioned that it was for a birthday, and that I was hiding it, and they offered just to hold it until his birthday (or the point at which I want to pick it up).

    I’m grateful that things at home have been fairly quiet as of late, and I’m also grateful for my older son, who seems to share some of the same streak of odd humor that I do. I end up with him in the car, and that one-on-one time is fun… Any other time, and he’s got other people to do stuff with, but every once in awhile, that whole “captive audience” thing isn’t turning out so badly.

    child valentine

    I am also grateful that my youngest three, quite independent of each other, each made me Valentine’s cards. One of them even had a white rose made of paper. Probably my best Valentine’s “haul” ever! 🙂

    I’ve got a couple of phone calls I need to make scheduling and rescheduling stuff tomorrow, and four of my kids have school tomorrow, so it’s going to be a little crazy, so I’ll say good night for now, and thank you all for your attention and prayers.


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  • Sunday Gratitude – 11.I.2026

    Sunday Gratitude – 11.I.2026

    This post has been hanging open on my desktop for weeks – please forgive me. At the moment, I feel very much like I’m hitting a wall, that my body needs some sort of reset or I’m going to crash. I’m sure it’s been more than a decade since the last time I’ve woken up feeling “well rested” and my philosophy has always kind of been, “Well, I’ll have plenty of time to sleep when I’m dead.” After all, the kids are only young once, right?

    Then, totally out of the blue, I was diagnosed in October with high blood pressure. No, not run-of-the-mill high blood pressure, but “call 911 right now because we can’t believe you’re not having a stroke” type numbers. I felt totally fine; I had biked over thirty miles just two days prior. And so we’re working on getting that stuff better. No need to push up that “sleep when I’m dead” date.

    On one hand, it’s kind of lousy that I got sick over Christmas break. On the other hand, it was the first time since my oldest was born, I think, where I could just gear down to minimums. All five of my kids are now old enough that they don’t need help with bathroom things or finding snacks/feeding themselves when they are hungry. I didn’t have to be up and out the door before sunrise, and I was going to make the most of it.

    sunrise Lake Michigan cold Kenosha

    What I did not expect is that after about 3-4 days of taking it easy, I would get hit by a huge wave of exhaustion, as though now that my body was getting something closer to a decent amount of sleep, it was going to come after me for the rest of the sleep debt, in full. Nearly a month on, I’m still feeling it, and I’m really trying to sleep better in general, but if I’m home and tired, just letting myself nap a little. So I’m struggling with this, but I have to get a handle on it because it can’t keep going the way it has been. And as if to drive this home, one of the “comedians” who I follow on Instagram actually did have a stroke right around Christmas, a guy not a whole lot older than me, and he’s lucky he survived.

    I got a Garmin fitness tracker thing a few months ago and it’s amazing the amount of information it tracks. One thing is sleep, and there’s a metric that they call the “body battery” which considers different factors to try to estimate how much energy your sleep is giving you and how much you’re using through the day. It’s quite interesting to see how very often, no matter how much I sleep, that number just crashes in the middle of the day, which usually correlates pretty well to how I am actually feeling. After months, it’s kind of occurred to me that I shouldn’t be hitting rock bottom every single day, and that it’s probably not good how early I often hit it. I think seeing this as a number and a chart has helped.

    Of course, this January has been particularly unsuited for outdoor activity, particularly riding a bicycle. It was so cold here on Friday that all three of my kids’ schools called off, and I’m actually a little surprised that it’s not getting called off tomorrow. Maybe the guideline is that if the high temperature is positive, school is a go? (I took these pictures of the sunrise over Lake Michigan in Kenosha on Friday, when it was -11F. Absolutely gorgeous how the water steams up there. However, even layered and bundled, I couldn’t stand outside of the car for more than a minute or two before my fingers – in gloves – started hurting from the cold.)

    I really am grateful for a lot of things, despite the frustrations. Mind you, there’s more than my sleep deprivation going on.

    I wrote most of this on the 11th, but didn’t post it, probably because it wasn’t finished and I was falling asleep. It’s not a full list, to be sure, but it’s what I have at the moment.


    Christmas (new calendar) really did kind of pass in a blink. My youngest and I were sick (for the second time in December) and usually I’d be kind of annoyed that some of the break was “wasted” by being sick; however, this time, I was thankful that she and I could just be sick without having to run around and be places and do stuff. I could actually sleep in! It was amazing.

    I’m thankful that once we were feeling better, we actually did do some stuff during the break. I’m thankful that the family of one of my daughter’s friends invited us to go bowling, which was incredibly fun. I could not believe that the girls on the one lane – two of whom were nine and two of whom were five – could play three rounds together with enthusiasm. I’ve even worked in a bowling center, and rarely have I seen younger kids last more than a game or so before letting the distractions get to them.

    I’m thankful that I one of the things that was really stressing me out the last couple of weeks has been resolved, I think.

    I am thankful for people just being patient with me while life still seems to be crazy.

    Matins candle

    I went to a friend’s house this past weekend, really had a good time, looked up and noticed it was almost 2am. I was not planning to stay over, but it probably would have been dangerous for me to drive at that point, and it probably would have freaked out my friend a little bit, considering that my drive would have been at least an hour and a half.

    Also, I would be remiss in forgetting to mention that I am incredibly grateful for warmth in the middle of this cold snap. I am missing being outdoors, but I’d be feeling much worse without a roof over my head and a functioning heating system.


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  • Songs of the Season 2025 – “Raining Tacos (On Christmas Eve)” – Parry Gripp

    Songs of the Season 2025 – “Raining Tacos (On Christmas Eve)” – Parry Gripp

    Well, I can’t tell at the moment if this is part of the “Taco Saga” or not, but I still think it’s funny. 🙂


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  • Songs of the Season 2025 – “Как в Иерусалиме рано зазвонили” – Otava Yo

    Songs of the Season 2025 – “Как в Иерусалиме рано зазвонили” – Otava Yo

    This is a beautiful Slavic Christmas carol, though I know it in English as “Christ, Our Sun” and it seems like the lyrics here are a good bit different from what I remember. (This post from Canada is much closer to what I know: https://www.facebook.com/byzantinecatholicsf/posts/%EF%B8%8Fchrist-our-sun-shines-out-today-with-godsown-warmth-and-healing-raysrefrain-chr/1604645489571832/ ) Still, this is beautiful, and I love the Slavic folksong harmonies here.


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  • Songs of the Season 2025 – “The Pembroke Carol” – The Choirs of Pembroke College/Anna Lapwood

    Songs of the Season 2025 – “The Pembroke Carol” – The Choirs of Pembroke College/Anna Lapwood

    I have been following Anna Lapwood on Instagram for quite some time there. It’s funny; because what she posts there is primarily her work as an organist, and boy, is she a great person to follow! She has such a joy and enthusiasm about her that it’s contagious.

    In any case, I was looking for a long version of one of her shorts of her playing “O Come All Ye Faithful” on organ. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find that, but I found this instead, but this time, she’s conductor rather than organist.

    Enjoy!


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  • Songs of the Season 2025 – “Бубенцы” (Russian “Jingle Bells” variant)

    Songs of the Season 2025 – “Бубенцы” (Russian “Jingle Bells” variant)

    So, in the former USSR, the New Year was the winter holiday that was celebrated the most, so it makes sense that there’s a lot more for variety for New Year’s popular songs than Christmas. This is a Russian variant of “Jingle Bells” changed to celebrate the new year (as all the post cards also attest to).


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  • Songs of the Season 2025 – “New Year’s Resolution” – Camera Obscura

    Songs of the Season 2025 – “New Year’s Resolution” – Camera Obscura

    Hard to believe that 2025 is just about in the history books. I wish to all of you all the best in 2026!

    I just heard this for the first time, trying to stay away from “Auld Lang Syne”… My brain is still figuring this one out, but I kind of like it. 🙂


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  • Songs of the Season 2025 – “A Long December” – Counting Crows

    Songs of the Season 2025 – “A Long December” – Counting Crows

    Forgive me for disappearing for a bit there! I’ve been sick the past few days (my youngest and I came into Christmas with fevers in the 102F range), and I feel like I’m just starting to catch up. I hope you all had wonderful Christmases.

    This is really not a Christmas song in any way, shape, or form; but as we’re coming to the end of the year, I’ve always liked the way it kind of captures the weariness of the old year, but through it all, the idea that it’s not going to stay that way.

    This song got a lot of radio play my freshman year of college. It was the first time that I was actually listening to current stuff, in no small part due to the fact that my dorm room was across from the bathroom, and there was a radio in the bathroom that was on all the time playing KCLD. (Seriously, the thing was on from 6am to 10pm *at least*. And, you know what, it wasn’t all that bad – there was a lot of interesting music on the radio at that moment in time.)

    The thing about it, too, was that it seemed to express feelings I had about a situation that was going on in my own life; but that despite all the really heavy stuff going on, how much had been lost, how much there was no road back, there was still realistic hope in the midst of it. It was definitely a sentiment my 17-year-old self needed to hear.


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  • Songs of the Season 2025 – “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day” – Bing Crosby

    Songs of the Season 2025 – “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day” – Bing Crosby

    I really didn’t get this song as a kid; it’s one that is much more understandable as an adult.


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