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Sunday Gratitude – 18.X.2026

Hi everyone! Glad to be back here. I’m still struggling with a lot, and there’s a lot that’s really overwhelming. However, I’m going to give it a shot as far as gratitude here.
Most importantly, probably, is that my son had a surgery on his ear a couple of weeks back, and everything went really, really well. Yes, he had the same surgery back in February on the other ear, and it went really well, but there’s still a good bit of nervousness attached to all these things.

Secondly, I recently took part in the Serbian Orthodox Choral Association’s annual choir festival. Because it was only a week after the surgery, I wasn’t going to go, but then there were people who had signed up who either couldn’t go or couldn’t sing, and I was asked if there might be some way that I could go. I managed to get things arranged, and I went. It was an amazing trip, and I hope to write about it separately. Most of us who went ended up driving, including the people I rode with, but everything went off without a hitch, there were no accidents or incidents with the driving, and the event was a lot of fun. I am very grateful for that, and for getting to see the city and experience the city a little.
If any of you are interested, our choir’s performance can be found here (our group starts at 45:15):
The weather has gotten cooler, and I’m grateful for that (St. Louis at over 90F was quite a shock to the system). This just seems to be one of those patches that is especially rough, so I’d appreciate your prayers for me and my kids.

Thank you ever so much for following; you are amazing!

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Saturday on Substack 21.X.2023

Yes! I actually posted one of these on a Saturday again! *L* All in all, it’s been a fairly calm week. For a little bit of the stuff I’ve been looking at, check out the post here: https://open.substack.com/pub/breathofhallelujah/p/saturday-on-substack-21×2023

Yes, a picture from last year – it’s been raining like crazy these past couple of weeks! Now, if only I can remember to pick the quince tomorrow! (I keep forgetting.)

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At the Touchstone Magazine 2023 Conference, part 3 – final thoughts

All in all, I really enjoyed myself at this conference. It was amazing to be able to step away from the “real world” for a couple of days and meet with other people who absolutely take their Christian faith seriously. It was more than a little bit uplifting, and I don’t think that there are too many places where Catholics and Protestants and Orthodox do things together like this.
In some sense, it was almost like there was the official conference, and there was the unofficial conference. The organizers did good to not overdo it on the number of presentations in a row, and to be liberal with the breaks, especially on Friday’s full day. The breaks allowed people to stretch their legs, check out Eighth Day Books’ books, and to meet and chat with people. On Friday, there were two breaks that were at least two hours; these went over meal times, but being as many people were staying at the La Quinta across the street, I’m sure there were a few who went back to rest in their rooms during those times as well.
There were several people whom I knew who attended, and it was a little weird, because some of them were from completely different phases of my life. One was even from my church in Idaho! *L* It was nice, though. Once upon a time, I probably would have stuck to talking to them mostly, but I’ve outgrown that for the most part. I had a blast chatting with people – sometimes for 20 minutes or more – who were strangers just a few minutes before. It’s funny to hear myself say that the socializing was probably my favorite part of the whole thing. I think it was genius to rent the La Quinta meeting rooms for the after-conference reception. It not only was another chance for people to get to talk to each other, but it was the place where most people had the opportunity to talk with the speakers as well, if they wanted.

The speakers were good, though I think Adam Macleod and Rod Dreher were the best of the lot. My biggest issue with the speakers is a weird one to try to articulate – it’s obvious that the audience is a very intelligent and educated lot. I *enjoy* that it’s intellectual and stretches the mind. However, even for me, it seemed like many of the speakers went too far into citing sources or getting into the nitty-gritty of other people’s arguments to really appreciate the larger picture of what they were getting at. I don’t know if that comes from the fact that some of these people were college professors and seemed to almost go into lecture mode for their speeches, but I think this really narrows who would be interested in going in future years. This was driven home to me when I was chatting with a priest friend of mine and he asked if I was following the talks. I think I said something to the effect of, “for the most part, I think so”, but he said that he felt a good amount was going over his head. I’m sure he wasn’t completely lost, as he’s a really smart man, but if he felt so, and I felt so, I bet there were more than a few people who also felt the same way. I think Rod Dreher hit the balance better than others; he’s obviously an extremely smart guy, but he’s used to talking to non-academic groups without dumbing down the material. We desperately need people who don’t necessarily talk to each other most of the time to come together in the community of Christ, but one shouldn’t feel like one needs to have a degree in theology or ancient history to feel like part of this.
To me, that the whole conference was in a chapel felt odd; I know many Christian groups have no qualms about using chapels and such for things that aren’t church services, but it’s been so long since I’ve been to an event in such a setting, I’d almost forgotten that it happens all the time.
I absolutely loved that Eighth Day Books was on site. I went there once in 2005 or 2006, and it was an amazing experience. Unfortunately, heading out to Wichita, Kansas, just for a bookstore is not something that I can necessarily justify. However, their “small” selection was probably 1000 books, and a *lot* of stuff you’re not going to see at Barnes & Noble. (No slight against B&N – I used to work at a great location – but it’s not easy to curate a bookstore – or even sections – into what Eighth Day books has done.)
In my last post, I already mentioned what my least-favorite thing about the program was, that being the panels. I don’t necessarily think that the panel thing is a bad idea, but there’s got to be somebody up there asking the questions who can make the questions more to the point and more equitable to all the people up there, otherwise there just is no point.
Again, I don’t know if any of this was spoken about on Thursday night, but since the conference was about authority, I kept thinking about the Exodus series from Jordan Peterson, specifically talking about types of authority and from whence it came. Peterson and Pageau, in particular, talk about the structure of authority, and how, in the time of Moses, there’s already this structure being set up by God where He is the ultimate authority, then there’s Moses, as prophet, then Aaron as more of a political leader, etc. There was the one speech (Douglas Farrow) that touched on the different layers of law – Eternal law, natural law, God’s delivered law, civil law – but I guess I would have liked to have heard that be spelled out more clearly, insofar as authority is an inescapable component of order. The other thing I would have liked to have heard would have been something along the lines of linking authority and responsibility.
The meals were good, and there were non-meat options for those of us not eating meat on Friday. There were a couple of donation pitches, which I understand, having been in fundraising, but the “for just $85 a month, you too can donate $1000 a year,” seemed a little odd. Yes, there are people who respond to that, but for most people, making it more incremental makes it less intimidating and less like they’re only interested in the big donations. You know, the “Donate $100 and get a t-shirt. Donate $250 to sponsor a seminarian at this conference.” That type of thing. When the only ask is really at the $1000 level, it makes me wonder if I’m at the right event; I’m certainly not in the class who can just write a check for $1000 because I want to sit at the VIP table in the mansion as opposed to the cafeteria.
Let’s see… I’ve found out that both my spelling has suffered a lot since I took a lot of notes in college. There were words like “totalitarianism” that I have to hear in my head to spell, and I was going too fast for that to happen, and then there were words that I knew I spelled wrong that I just had to leave to keep going. Back in the day, that wasn’t nearly so much a problem.
Yes, I went to the conference because of Rod Dreher, but it was a joy to actually meet and chat with him as well. I asked him to sign a copy of Live Not By Lies for friends of mine, and he was really gracious about doing that as well.
There are plans to do another conference like this next year; I think there’s a lot to be gained in connecting with the wider Christian community, but I think there ought to be some effort made to make it a little bit more open to people who want to hear the ideas and think about them without getting lost in the academic details. This year, I was very hesitant about going, and waited at least a month after finding out about the conference before I started looking into buying tickets and making arrangements to go. I think, too, that each of us who were there really ought to be doubling down on building that Christian community of like mind in his or her own little corner of the world.
This is the third part to my thoughts on the Touchstone Magazine 2023 conference; the first part can be found here: https://breathofhallelujah.com/2023/10/17/at-the-touchstone-magazine-2023-conference-part-1-day-2/ and part two can be found here: https://breathofhallelujah.com/2023/10/20/at-the-touchstone-magazine-2023-conference-part-2-day-3/

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At the Touchstone Magazine 2023 conference, part 2 – day 3

Friday was the third day of the Touchstone Magazine annual conference, and another short day, as things were scheduled for the morning only. The highlight, of course, was Rod Dreher’s talk, which was the entire reason why I had decided to attend the conference at all.
The night before, after the official events of the conference was over, there was an informal reception at the hotel across the street. Many of the conference attendees were staying there as well, so it was a lot of fun to kick back and talk to people who were there. The speakers at the conference came as well, and it gave people an opportunity to meet the speakers and chat with them. I was really privileged to have gotten a chance to meet and chat with Rod Dreher. I will say, I was very impressed, and he was very nice and seemed absolutely genuine. He actually recognized me from all the commenting I do on his blog, which… wow. The conversations really did feel like chatting with an old friend.
I ended up getting home well after midnight; it didn’t take quite the hour and a half I had estimated, but driving back in the rain wasn’t fun at all. Once home, I had a very strong sense that I needed to get everything together that night for the morning, so I did, even though this is not generally how I operate. I was really afraid that I was sleep through my alarm, so even though I use my phone to wake me up probably at least 80% of the time, here I was double-checking that I had set the alarm correctly.
God does seem to have a sense of humor with these things. I was starting to get minimally conscious, when, at 5:50am, the power in the house went out. No, this would not affect my phone, but I have my computer plugged into a universal power source in my bedroom. As soon as the power went out, that thing started blaring out “BEEEP! BEEEEEP!” (It also wasn’t the only thing in the house beeping because of the power outage.) Yes, I was awake, and yes, I could still easily get dressed and out the door without power because I had gotten everything ready the night before.

Once again, I got to Trinity International University early and I took the opportunity to go through more of the books that Eighth Day Books had there. (I also managed to notice that the ceiling above some of the books was dripping. Luckily the books that got wet only had drops of water on the covers that could be wiped off; an hour later, there would have been a good bit of book carnage.)
In any case, I got myself a seat on the center aisle near the front, and tried not to take up too much space with my purse, laptop bag, books, umbrella, conference notebook, etc. *L*
Rod’s speech was called “Total Freedom, Total Servility: Digital Culture’s Transformation of Authority”. The following are notes I took from the talk:
There was a large backdrop behind the speakers; Touchstone has used these images for a long, long time. One of the photos featured is of a European city with what looks to be a castle-ish university on the left side. I had actually been wondering where the picture was from all of the day before, and I was glad that Rod identified it as the University of Edinburgh, in Edinburgh, Scotland. The reason he brought it up though tied in nicely with the speech; that the university has gone completely woke, citing from a Sebastian Milbank piece from the day before.
The struggles for culture matter.

He went on to talk a bit about having broken his laptop screen the night before flying to the US, and how easy it was, being a MacBook, to go to the Apple Store in New Orleans, get it replaced, and have the data restored with very little issue.
From here, he launched to how there are absolutely advantages to the Internet revolution; in his own life, he hasn’t been tethered to an office since 2011 and he’s able to work from practically anywhere in the world with an internet connection, but that there’s a lot that we have to really be wary of in this new era. “The Machine” is happy to create for us a bespoke experience in any number of ways, but at the same time, all that information that is being gathered is being used to compile data on us, to know where we go, who we meet with, what we might be thinking. From that, it’s not hard to start working on a “social credit system”, complete with electronic monitoring of people, even in the West. At this point, there’s still political will to hold it back, but that is eroding.
He switched tack a bit and started talking about societal trends such that herald a collapse in society, the collapse of authority, lawlessness, the way institutions have lost the confidence of people. While much of this is common sense – people really shouldn’t put their trust in things that obviously don’t deserve it, the results of that are kind of scary as well.
He made the point about religious man vs psychological man, that “religious man” seeks the Truth, but “psychological man” seeks well-being.
Coming back to the technology a bit, the 1984 model isn’t what we’ve found ourselves in, but rather Brave New World, where there’s a kind of “therapeutic totalitarianism”; life can become easier, but it’s at the price of one’s soul.
There was one line that really reminded me of Jonathan Pageau, and that was “You are what you pay attention to,” but then he tied that back to smartphones, and boy, is that an issue these days! The smartphones are incredible tools, but they demand from us our attention like nothing else. In some sense, they are the first “natural technology”, and they really make the idea of humans merging with “the machine” more and more of a reality, as the line between real and virtual gets harder to discern, and this is becoming the new framework in which we live.
At the same time that this technology – not just the smartphones, but other things – make life more “frictionless”, it’s important that we stop and understand what the cost of a “frictionless” society is. As Christians, it’s not like we’re not going to not use the technology, ever. For many of us, that’s not even possible. However, for example, if all our books are digital, how easy it is to erase or alter books with unpopular ideas without having to rip pages from the book on your bookshelf. Cashless society? There are records of every transaction that you make. Smart home? The power goes out and there’s no way to use the heat or locks until things come back online.
Things get even more insidious, though, when one thinks of the potential of practicing medicine by AI (this is your predicted life expectancy; we will do nothing beyond this point) where the authority over life and death is handed to a machine.
Again, this isn’t to say that the technology itself is evil, but when more and more authority is handed off to a force we don’t understand, it opens up ways for bad spirits. He pointed out that there are people in the highest levels of this technological revolution who absolutely see the technology, and particularly AI, as a way of “creating God”.
He spoke a little of Diana Pasulka, who has done a lot of research into “ufology”. She’s written two books on the phenomenon, American Cosmic and Encounters: Explorations with Extraterrestrial and Other Non-Human Intelligence (which comes out in November), and from what Rod says here, it seems like there is a strong tie-in between “UFOs”, “non-human intelligent beings”, technology, and probably demons. I don’t remember if it was in the speech or on his substack that he said that when he read Fr. Seraphim Rose’s book Orthodoxy and the Religion of the Future, when Fr. Seraphim wrote that UFOs would have something to do with the heretical religion of the future, he didn’t think that much of it, but having now read some of Pasulka’s work, he’s convinced there’s something to it.
Rod gets a lot of “harassment” about being a “doom and gloom” writer. I don’t necessarily find that, but he’s pointing out things that are uncomfortable that people should pay attention to. He does this not to give people reason to despair, but that by writing about these things, people have a method of seeing what is happening and resisting when possible. He ended the speech by talking about how we must choose the strong path, choose the cross, that by overcoming the “evil” of suffering, we’re in a place to be free.
(Complete video of Rod’s speech; forward to about 14:50 for Rod alone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqH0pfh5iDE)

I’d say that was about it for Saturday, but I there was a panel discussion that followed. Of all the presentations, the panels were, by far, the weakest part. Ken Myers of Mars Hill Audio (and formerly of NPR) did the moderation, and it was terrible. For the first panel discussion (Friday), I literally closed my eyes and listened whilst half-asleep, and I don’t think I missed anything. Myers tended to start rambling on about something, and then switch over to a question that took a long time to formulate. Furthermore, his questions were oddly specific enough that there was usually only one person on the “panel” who could answer each one, and sometimes he let panelists sit there for ages saying nothing because none of the questions were directed to them. The Saturday panel was somewhat better than the first panel, mainly because Adam Macleod and Rod Dreher were part of it. Poor Brad Littlejohn sat there for ages and ages with nothing to say. I know it’s hard to come up with questions “on the fly”, so to speak, but rather than ask Rod something specifically about the UFOs, using points where there were similar themes between the speakers probably would have been a good starting place – I believe both MacLeod and Dreher talked about how language gets “shifted” under totalitarianism, comparing and contrasting their experiences with it probably would have been more engaging to watch than the questions that did get asked. The speakers I saw were fairly light on the “What’s a Christian to do in these times?” and hearing different opinions could have also been a starting point for a panel.
I wasn’t sure how I was going to structure my posts about the conference; at this point, I think I’m going to do one more post to talk about my general impressions of attending the event. I really had a good time, and I want to stress that most of all. If you have missed the first part of me writing about the Touchstone conference, part 1 can be found here: https://breathofhallelujah.com/2023/10/17/at-the-touchstone-magazine-2023-conference-part-1-day-2/

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Saturday on Substack – 14.X.2023 – the Tuesday edition

Last week just wouldn’t give me a break – seriously, I’ve got four kids not feeling well today and it seems easier than the craziness of last week. However, there were some really good things about it too! In any case, my weekly post can be found here: https://breathofhallelujah.substack.com/p/saturday-on-substack-14×2023

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Sunday Gratitude – 15.X.2023

This past week was a week of extremes; extreme stress and trepidation on one hand, followed by something very uplifting and fun at the end. I know I still need to finish Saturday’s post, but I’m posting here now because I need a lot more time to finish the “Saturday on Substack” post. (Yes, it has been started.)

I am grateful, incredibly grateful, that the thing which was causing me all sorts of stress went off without any great problems. I don’t know that anyone there present wasn’t filled with a good deal of sadness, but at least there’s the structure for stability being laid for the next couple of years, at least. Also, there’s light at the end of the tunnel as far as when the legal proceedings are over, and as much as that also evokes a lot of sadness, the state of limbo in which things have been hanging for the last year and a half is also untenable, and ending that is a needed relief. I am grateful to the friends who watched my toddler daughter during this, and who then refused to take any money on the basis of “returning kindnesses”, even though I know they could have used it.
I am grateful for all the beauty around right now. The trees haven’t lost many leaves yet, but are in about the first 1/2 of the fall changes, which is probably my favorite part of it. These things serve as a constant reminder that when things just seem down or out of control that it is important to look up.
I am grateful that I got to attend the Touchstone Magazine conference this year. I’d never been to one before, and, truthfully, as there was a not-great history with a couple of people who are “high up” with the organization. I’m glad I went, though; not only did I meet a lot of people I know, many whom I hadn’t seen in a decade, I got to meet people from the US and Canada who are serious in their faith and interested in being light at a time when it often feels like the darkness is inevitable. Oh, yes, and there were speakers who gave presentations as well! *L*
I also am grateful for the opportunity to have gotten to meet and chat with Rod Dreher, besides hear his presentation. Truthfully, it’s a little weird to be recognized with the line “…and I comment on your blog”, but after that, it was like chatting with an old friend. I have friends who have had major issues with the way the Kenosha public schools have gone woke after Covid, they put up a good fight, but now have pulled their kids out of that system. One of the books that I think has really resonated with the mom during this has been Dreher’s Live Not By Lies, and Rod graciously signed a copy for me for them. Being as I had to drive through Kenosha on my way back, I called to see if I could just drop off the book on my way, and since they were home, it worked out, and we had a nice chat over Coke Zeros, and I’m thankful for that as well. I’m also grateful that I got to go at all and that there wasn’t an issue with childcare or the like.
I’m grateful to have made it to church today, I’m grateful that there wasn’t any dust-up because of the kids, and I’m grateful for the fellowship and friendship there.
Oh, boy, it’s past time some kids were in bed. I’ll leave you with this.
Thank you so much for reading!

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Wordless Wednesday #47 – October Sky








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Sunday Gratitude – 8.X.2023

This past week had so many things scheduled, it wasn’t even funny. I am grateful that I seem to have gotten through it without mucking too much up.
I am grateful that we had some more good weather, and the kids got to spend some extra time out enjoying it.
I am humbled and full of gratitude that the priest I have been going to for Confession is a good man and has been praying for all of us.
I am grateful that I got to spend time with friends this week. I am thankful that I got to sleep nearly 11 hours at a stretch.

I bought myself a bluetooth mp3 player, and I’m hoping to be able to use it to save and store good podcasts as well as some music. I received it today, and it’s a neat little gadget.
I am thankful to see a little bit of progress on the house. I’m thankful to be finding things that have been lost for awhile.
I am thankful to have something to look forward to at the end of the week, as there are things coming before then which won’t be pleasant.
I’m thankful for all of you, and to everyone who is praying for us. I wouldn’t know how to keep going without that.

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Saturday on Substack 7.X.2023

There’s one more thing I have to get done… no, actually, two… tomorrow, or today, or whenever it is… In the meantime, click on over to Substack, as it’s Saturday. Please join me there!
https://breathofhallelujah.substack.com/p/saturday-on-substack-7×2023


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As the places of memory come tumbling down…

This was in 2016, a year I seem to barely remember
This was the end to the W. W. Holes Residence Hall on the campus of St. Cloud State university. I never lived there, but as I watched the building fall, I remember the friends up on the top floor, room #909, or the LAN gaming parties that took place on the 7th floor. What was that game again? Halflife?
I worked for Residential Life for two years, both as a “representative” and a member of the summer conference crew. I manned the front desk and I cleaned windows (and desks and floors) in just about every room in that entire building.
I can still tell you that Holes Hall was basically the twin of nearby Stearns Hall, the main difference being that the room numbers wended their way on the floors in opposite directions. At nine floors, both were tall buildings for the area, but Sherburne Hall, at 13 floors, was the tallest building in St. Cloud and in Stearns County. As I was giving tours, I used to laugh about that fact, having grown up in Chicago.
I never wanted to live in Holes Hall. Even then, in the waning days of the 90s, the rooms were small for college students’ taste. The building itself was a plain rectangle, built in the days of the space race where US college campuses seemed to want to prove we could build buildings just as ugly as their Soviet counterparts. The rooms in Holes and Stearns Halls were even more unimaginative; a door opened into the middle of one end of the room, and a built in wardrobe flanked either side of the door. A single, perfectly centered window was situated in the middle of the other end, two mirror-image desks completing the total oppressive symmetry of the small space. During the summers, single beds would fill a large portion of the wall space between the wardrobes and the desks, during the school year, beds were lifted and lofted in all sorts of ways – often over the desks and across the entire width of the room – to make these dorm rooms feel a little bit more comfortable.
To attract students to Holes Hall, two of the floors there – the 7th and 8th, I believe – were “honors” floors, for students in the honors program. Even as a “cheerleader” for living on campus, I felt like it was a little bit of a gimmick to do this, that it was a way to entice good students into quite mediocre living quarters, but it seemed to work.
I haven’t spent much time in St. Cloud since graduating. I know things change. My favorite building on campus, Colbert South, was demolished within a year or two of my graduation. It was a random house that occupied a space on the northeast corner of campus, pretty much ignored by all. However, that was different, as it was a random old house that just happened to be on campus – seeing Holes Hall’s end, even with it being seven years ago, is something else. There was nothing special about the building architecturally, and the city “skyline” may have been improved in taking it down. In my mind, though, it simply belongs to campus, and seeing it come down into a heap of rubble definitely conjures sadness, remembering how much time I spent there both for work and for fun.

Hanging out on the 7th floor of W.W. Holes Hall, September 1999

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