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  • Sunday Gratitude – 18.X.2026

    Sunday Gratitude – 18.X.2026

    Hi everyone! Glad to be back here. I’m still struggling with a lot, and there’s a lot that’s really overwhelming. However, I’m going to give it a shot as far as gratitude here.

    Most importantly, probably, is that my son had a surgery on his ear a couple of weeks back, and everything went really, really well. Yes, he had the same surgery back in February on the other ear, and it went really well, but there’s still a good bit of nervousness attached to all these things.

    St Louis arch and church

    Secondly, I recently took part in the Serbian Orthodox Choral Association’s annual choir festival. Because it was only a week after the surgery, I wasn’t going to go, but then there were people who had signed up who either couldn’t go or couldn’t sing, and I was asked if there might be some way that I could go. I managed to get things arranged, and I went. It was an amazing trip, and I hope to write about it separately. Most of us who went ended up driving, including the people I rode with, but everything went off without a hitch, there were no accidents or incidents with the driving, and the event was a lot of fun. I am very grateful for that, and for getting to see the city and experience the city a little.

    If any of you are interested, our choir’s performance can be found here (our group starts at 45:15):

    The weather has gotten cooler, and I’m grateful for that (St. Louis at over 90F was quite a shock to the system). This just seems to be one of those patches that is especially rough, so I’d appreciate your prayers for me and my kids.

    Orthodox Church St Louis

    Thank you ever so much for following; you are amazing!


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  • Songs of the Season 2023 – Merry Christmas allerseits – Udo Jürgens

    Songs of the Season 2023 – Merry Christmas allerseits – Udo Jürgens

    There are songs that manage to be bilingual pretty well, think Jose Feliciano and “Feliz Navidad“, “Angels We Have Heard on High“, or even “In Dulci Jublio“. This, however, is not one of them. Not by a long shot.  Not only does he try to put English in the German word order, with the auxiliary verbs at the end, he fails to use proper English pronouns, using the German language genders instead, and randomly word-swaps. It’s so bad, it nearly had me falling out of my seat laughing. 

    h/t Jordan Prince for the heads up. As he commented, it gets better every time!


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  • Orthodox Help Reblog – Seminarian fighting cancer

    Orthodox Help Reblog – Seminarian fighting cancer

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  • A Dark Road to Fargo

    A Dark Road to Fargo

    The night was dark and cold, which wasn’t unusual, considering that it was December and we were somewhere in the middle of nowhere, roughly a dozen miles east of Fargo, North Dakota. The snow wasn’t unusual either; if it had been worse, I probably wouldn’t have been driving, as I was 18 and only on a learner’s permit. 

    The car was an old station wagon which belonged to my boyfriend, and it was a definite improvement from the death trap Mazda that he had owned before. In fact, this was the reason that he had the station wagon; he had taken the Mazda to the shop and the guy there said that there was no way it could be fixed up to an acceptable level to drive safely on the road. The station wagon was one of his loaner cars, and he offered that to my boyfriend for a decent price, and the deal was done. 

    I know it’s not Fargo, and you know it’s not Fargo, but does the AI know it’s not Fargo?

    It was a little after 9pm, which, in New York City is just when the party is getting started. In northern Minnesota, though, the road seemed to be ours alone, and I was looking forward to pulling into Fargo. The darkness and the emptiness didn’t necessarily bother me, but I knew I’d feel better actually being at our destination. Being 1997, we didn’t have cell phones or internet radio; on certain stretches, we were lucky to get halfway decent radio reception. We were but just one tiny point of light travelling along the road. My boyfriend had grown up in this area, and nights like these were just a part of life up there, but as a city kid whose thoughts wandered a lot, the darkness, emptiness, and cold made me feel as though it was all that we could do in these moments to keep them all at bay in order to not be consumed by them.

    On the right side, off on the shoulder was a car with its emergency flashers on. Being from Chicago, it barely registered; people brake down, help gets sent out to them. One has to be careful about these things; not only is it incredibly dangerous to stop when you don’t know what you’re doing, one never knows if it’s some sort of trap either. For this reason, I registered that it was there, and with barely another thought, kept going.

    “Pull over!” my boyfriend told me.

    “What?” I was more than a little confused.

    “Pull over!”

    I knew he meant it, and so I went about the task of pulling over to the side in a safe manner. Still confused, I asked him why we were pulling over. I knew it had something to do with the car on the side of the road, but I wasn’t comprehending exactly what we’d accomplish here.

    “There might be people in that car,” he said. ”I’m going to go check. That’s what we do up here.” 

    It finally dawned on me why we stopped. Yes, I can be slow to the obvious sometimes. If someone needed help, there was no way to know without stopping. It was possible that everything was fine. However, if it wasn’t, who knew when the next car coming by might be.

    My boyfriend trotted back to the car. I kept glancing back, but I was terrified to get out. He was back there for what seemed like a very, very long time, and then he came back, reporting that there was a lady with kids in the car and they were on their way to Fargo to pick up her husband from work when the car broke down, and that they’d been sitting there for ten minutes already because there was next to nobody on the road. According to the lady, she’d be okay if she could get to her husband; he’d be able to take care of the car and everything. 

    Very, very carefully, I backed up on the shoulder to get closer to the other car. When I was decently close, I stopped, and my boyfriend got out again to go by the lady to help her. She got out of the car, and as she got the kids out, I realize that they were little. Once she got to the car, I think she said that they were 3 and 18 months. Even being 18, imagining being broken down with two little kids like that really hit me hard. How long would they had to have waited if we didn’t stop? 

    In any case, the station wagon had plenty of room for the three of them in the back seat. All three of them were incredibly quiet back there while I drove into Fargo. As we got into the city, she started giving directions as to where to go. I basically knew how to get to North Dakota State University by myself, so to deviate from this course, I needed a bit of hand-holding. The woman found her husband at his job, I’m sure cash was offered and refused, everybody was good, and we said our farewells. 

    I’m sure most of us have had those moments in our lives where we’ve been really thankful for an “angel” to help us out of a bit of trouble. I think that this was the moment in my life where I understood that it’s important as a matter of course to keep our eyes open to opportunities to be that “angel” for others as well. At the same time, “this is what we do here” normalizes this type of behavior, and makes it possible to build actual communities. Funny how “bear each other’s burdens” is fundamental in multiple ways! 


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  • Songs of the Season 2023 – A Child is Born – Arbo

    Songs of the Season 2023 – A Child is Born – Arbo

    (I’ve never embedded a Spotify element before, so bear with me if it ends up wonky!)

    I hate to admit that advertising works, but sometimes it does. 

    A few days ago, I was scrolling through Instagram… I know a few people “in real life” over there, but mainly I enjoy certain funny and “nerdy” pursuits over there; it’s been a way to laugh over the past few months. 

    For the most part, I try to ignore the ads; even with things that might be interesting, it seems like the prices on the advertised items are for people who have more money than sense. 

    A few days ago, though, I got an ad with a clip of this song, and the leading text was something like “What if G.K. Chesterton wrote a song?”. The song was playing, and it really caught my ear. I know next to nothing about Chesterton and his writings (though, considering how many times his name comes up, I should probably remedy that) but in the middle of a ton of Christmas songs with all the substance of cotton candy, this stood out. The song is called “A Child is Born”, and its lyrics are a selection from Chesterton’s 1897 poem, “The Nativity”. 

    I believe that if you click play here, you get a small section, but if you click to Spotify itself, you can listen to the whole song

    In any case, I’ll include here the entire poem.

    The Nativity

    For unto us a child is born. —Isaiah

    The thatch of the roof was as golden,
    Though dusty the straw was and old,
    The wind was a peal as of trumpets,
    Though barren and blowing and cold:
    The mother's hair was a glory,
    Though loosened and torn,
    For under the eaves in the gloaming—
    A child was born.

    O, if a man sought a sign in the inmost
    That God shaketh broadest his best,
    That things fairest are oldest and simplest,
    In the first days created and blest:
    Far flush all the tufts of the clover,
    Thick mellows the corn,
    A cloud shapes, a daisy is opened—
    A child is born.

    With raw mists of the earth-rise about them,
    Risen red from the ribs of the earth,
    Wild and huddled, the man and the woman,
    Bent dumb o'er the earliest birth;
    Ere the first roof was hammered above them.
    The first skin was worn,
    Before code, before creed, before conscience—
    A child was born.

    What know we of aeons behind us,
    Dim dynasties lost long ago,
    Huge empires like dreams unremembered,
    Dread epics of glory and woe?
    This we know, that with blight and with blessing,
    With flower and with thorn,
    Love was there, and his cry was among them—
    "A child is born."

    And to us, though we pore and unravel
    Black dogmas that crush us and mar,
    Through parched lips pessimistic dare mutter
    Hoarse fates of a frost-bitten star;
    Though coarse strains and heredities soil it,
    Bleak reasoners scorn,
    To us too, as of old, to us also—
    A child is born.

    Though the darkness be noisy with systems,
    Dark fancies that fret and disprove;
    Still the plumes stir around us, above us,
    The wings of the shadow of love.
    Still the fountains of life are unbroken,
    Their splendour unshorn;
    The secret, the symbol, the promise—
    A child is born.

    Have a myriad children been quickened,
    Have a myriad children grown old,
    Grown gross and unloved and embittered,
    Grown cunning and savage and cold?
    God abides in a terrible patience,
    Unangered, unworn,
    And again for the child that was squandered—
    A child is born.

    In the time of dead things it is living,
    In the moonless grey night is a gleam,
    Still the babe that is quickened may conquer,
    The life that is new may redeem.
    Ho, princes and priests, have you heard it?
    Grow pale through your scorn.
    Huge dawns sleep before us, stern changes—
    A child is born.

    More than legions that toss and that trample,
    More than choirs that bend Godward and sing,
    Than the blast of the lips of the prophet,
    Than the sword in the hands of the King,
    More strong against Evil than judges
    That smite and that scorn,
    The greatest, the last, and the sternest—
    A child is born.

    And the rafters of toil still are gilded
    With the dawn of the star of the heart,
    And the Wise Men draw near in the twilight,
    Who are weary of learning and art,
    And the face of the tyrant is darkened,
    His spirit is torn,
    For a new King is throned of a nation—
    A child is born.

    And the mother still joys for the whispered
    First stir of unspeakable things;
    Still feels that high moment unfurling,
    Red glories of Gabriel's wings.
    Still the babe of an hour is a master
    Whom angels adorn,
    Emmanuel, prophet, annointed—
    A child is born.

    To the rusty barred doors of the hungry,
    To the struggle for life and the din,
    Still, with brush of bright plumes and with knocking,
    The Kingdom of God enters in.
    To the daughters of patience that labour
    That weep and are worn,
    One moment of love and of laughter—
    A child is born.

    To the last dizzy circles of pleasure,
    Of fashion and song-swimming nights,
    Comes yet hope's obscure crucifixion,
    The birth fire that quickens and bites,
    To the daughters of fame that are idle,
    That smile and that scorn,
    One moment of darkness and travail—
    A child is born.

    And till man and his riddle be answered,
    While earth shall remain and desire,
    While the flesh of a man is as grass is,
    The soul of a man as a fire,
    While the daybreak shall come with its banner,
    The moon with its horn,
    It shall rest with us that which is written—
    "A child is born."

    And for him that shall dream that the martyr
    Is banished, and love but a toy,
    That life lives not through pain and surrender,
    Living only through self and its joy,
    Shall the Lord God erase from the body
    The oath he has sworn?
    Bend back to thy work, saying only—
    "A child is born."

    And Thou that art still in the cradle,
    The sun being crown for Thy brow,
    Make answer, our flesh, make an answer.
    Say whence art Thou come? Who art Thou?
    Art Thou come back on earth for our teaching,
    To train or to warn?
    Hush! How may we know, knowing only—
    A child is born?

    (And a little bit of further reading – https://www.abc.net.au/religion/a-child-was-born-gk-chesterton-on-the-mystery-of-the-nativity/10097488)


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  • Wordless Wednesday #51 – Ten Years ago, Schweitzer Mountain Resort

    Wordless Wednesday #51 – Ten Years ago, Schweitzer Mountain Resort






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  • Songs of the Season – Snow Snow Snow – Michael Ford & Sandra Boynton

    Songs of the Season – Snow Snow Snow – Michael Ford & Sandra Boynton

    Sandra Boynton is, of course, the author of numerous little kids’ books, and this is a little Christmas jingle that she and Michael Ford put together and illustrated/animated.

    And… I found the song here at Bluebird of Bitterness because it’s an amazing blog everyone should subscribe to! :) 


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  • Songs of the Season – Christmas Lullaby – Arvo Pärt

    Songs of the Season – Christmas Lullaby – Arvo Pärt

    I first became acquainted with Pärt because when I first became Orthodox, his Kanon Pokajanen was still pretty new and it definitely was a topic amongst the online Orthodox five years later. I think the composition was the first Orthodox music recording I ever purchased; it took me much longer to understand some of what is being sung and that it’s actually a setting for a church service! (I know, sometimes I’m slow!) 

    At the same time, I feel like I miss at least half of what Pärt is trying to convey in his music because it tends to be ethereal, and the silence is just as important as the sound; a lot of it reminds me of the sensation of hearing old choral music in huge, old churches. Life is just too hectic now to have that attention and that headspace. 

    In any case – “Christmas Lullaby”


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  • Songs of the Season 2023 – At Last, I’m Ready for Christmas – Stan Rogers

    Songs of the Season 2023 – At Last, I’m Ready for Christmas – Stan Rogers

    Stan Rogers is probably not a name that is instantly recognizable in the US; his greatest fame was in Canada, where he’s considered to be one of the greats of Canadian folk. Unfortunately, at age 33, he was one of the fatalities of the 1984 Air Canada flight 797 airplane fire.

    And a really good cover which makes the words a bit more intelligible.


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  • Sunday Gratitude – 10.XII.2023

    Sunday Gratitude – 10.XII.2023

    I’m not going to lie; this has been an incredibly hard week in a season of very hard weeks. I can’t even describe to you how soul-crushing it’s all been. And yet, there are still things to be grateful for, even when I don’t necessarily want to be grateful for anything.

    I’m grateful that people are praying for me and the kids.

    I’m grateful we got to do a fun activity this weekend.

    I’m grateful I made it to all the various appointments and such. There’s stuff this week; we’ll see how all that goes.

    I’m glad the plantar fasciitis has retreated a good bit.

    I’m grateful to see the wonder in the face of my 3-year-old every time she looks at the Christmas tree. And that means a lot .

    As always, I am thankful for you.


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  • Saturday on Substack – 9.XII.2023

    Saturday on Substack – 9.XII.2023

    December is here! https://open.substack.com/pub/breathofhallelujah/p/saturday-on-substack-9xii2023


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