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Sunday Gratitude – 18.X.2026

Hi everyone! Glad to be back here. I’m still struggling with a lot, and there’s a lot that’s really overwhelming. However, I’m going to give it a shot as far as gratitude here.
Most importantly, probably, is that my son had a surgery on his ear a couple of weeks back, and everything went really, really well. Yes, he had the same surgery back in February on the other ear, and it went really well, but there’s still a good bit of nervousness attached to all these things.

Secondly, I recently took part in the Serbian Orthodox Choral Association’s annual choir festival. Because it was only a week after the surgery, I wasn’t going to go, but then there were people who had signed up who either couldn’t go or couldn’t sing, and I was asked if there might be some way that I could go. I managed to get things arranged, and I went. It was an amazing trip, and I hope to write about it separately. Most of us who went ended up driving, including the people I rode with, but everything went off without a hitch, there were no accidents or incidents with the driving, and the event was a lot of fun. I am very grateful for that, and for getting to see the city and experience the city a little.
If any of you are interested, our choir’s performance can be found here (our group starts at 45:15):
The weather has gotten cooler, and I’m grateful for that (St. Louis at over 90F was quite a shock to the system). This just seems to be one of those patches that is especially rough, so I’d appreciate your prayers for me and my kids.

Thank you ever so much for following; you are amazing!

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Saturday on Substack – 24.II.2024

I managed not to post this earlier today – forgive me!
https://breathofhallelujah.substack.com/p/saturday-on-substack-24ii2024

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Sunday Gratitude – 18.II.2024

I’m glad to have made it through the week. Yes, grateful to have made it through the week.
I am grateful for the saints, and that I feel so close to at least one. When I am discouraged, it is helpful to remember him and his bravery.
I am grateful for the prayers of others.
I am grateful for the opportunity to fill my head with beneficial ideas, and I’m thankful for the opportunity to discuss them with people as well.

AI Prompt: Frosted February forest no snow I’m grateful for God’s Love which is around me all the time.
I’m grateful for the patience so many people have had with me.
As always, I am thankful for you.

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The Great Indictment and the Saints

This is a video from a couple of years ago, one I come back to from time to time because there’s so much to process here. It’s one of the first that Jordan Peterson posted after coming back from the illness that nearly killed him in 2020. He’s talking to Jonathan Pageau, who is an Orthodox Christian and icon carver, someone who speaks on topics with some overlap to things Peterson does, particularly symbolism, albeit from a much more religious angle. Pageau heard Peterson speak on Canadian radio back in 2015, before Peterson was famous, reached out to Peterson, and from that, became friends and collaborators.
I’m sure Peterson chose Pageau to speak with here because, in some sense, it’s an easy interview – the friendship and, dare I say, love, between the two is palpable. Pageau is not there to outwit or outsmart Peterson and he’s not going to take advantage of Peterson’s poor health to try to get Peterson to say something stupid or corner him into any “gotcha” moments.
One of the remarkable things about the video is that after a few minutes, it feels less like a Youtube podcast and more like two friends having a deep conversation. Peterson is obviously in a bad place; in the video, not only does about how much pain he’s in and how much he’s struggling with daily living, but from the beginning, there’s something about his look that reminded me of Freddy Mercury as he was losing his battle to AIDS. It’s not just the look of someone who is merely very sick; it’s the look of someone who is in a precarious battle to stay alive. It’s nothing new to mention that it’s common amongst people who are battling between life and death that the “religious questions” often come to the fore, however, Peterson’s state and the rawness to his questions and answers make this interview even more personal.
The “main topic” is Christian criticism Peterson has received which appeared in a book that had been recently published, but the conversation wanders to a bunch of topics, many of a very religious nature. Peterson has been fairly public about wrestling with the idea of faith; his upcoming book is even titled, “We Who Wrestle with God”. However, he’s far from being an atheist, or even an agnostic. While the whole video is worth watching, Peterson’s indictment against many so-called Christians cuts straight to the heart. (I started the video here with the comment of Pageau’s that elicited the comment.)
There’s a bit of sidetracking here, and some mention of the Catholic Church, but this is what Peterson lays out as being a huge stumbling block to having faith for himself:
“There’s no limit to what would happen if you acted like God existed. You know what I mean, because I believe that acting that out fully … maybe it’s not reasonable to say to believers that you aren’t sufficiently transformed for me to believe that you believe in God, or that you believe the story you’re telling… the way you live isn’t sufficient testament to the Truth … Really? You believe that Jesus Christ was the Son of God and yet you act that way, and I’m supposed to buy your belief? … Christians don’t manifest the transformation of attitude that enables the outside observer to conclude that they believe.”
The thing is, Peterson is absolutely right. Even now, as Christianity is so much in decline in the west, there are still a lot of people who call themselves Christians for reasons that have very little to do with Christ. It’s interesting, too, that Peterson talks about a necessary transformation of one’s life, because that’s going to link in to the idea of theosis later in the conversation.
Pageau isn’t shocked or offended by Peterson, in his response, he gently brings up the example of the saints. I believe that he means those saints both living and dead, who have led lives that are focused on God to the fullest of their ability, and that many of them end up with visible spiritual gifts; at this moment, he talks about “the gift of tears”, but later talks about people who glow because they love God so much that His love shines through them to the people they encounter.
The conversation gets away from this topic specifically for awhile, but then Peterson picks it up again nearly fifty minutes later, and links theosis – a process in which one transforms to become more like and joined with God – with courage and calling, noting that he’s terrified that most people lack the courage necessary to “bring about that union with God”.
Peterson’s following questions to Pageau make it clear that he believes that Jesus was probably the only one ever to achieve theosis; Pageau corrects him in saying that Jesus was the only perfect manifestation of theosis, but that we absolutely believe that other saints have reached theosis, and that all of us are called to that, to become one with God. (My small comment here – not being a religious expert, mind you – is that although Christ embodies perfect theosis, He didn’t necessarily have to achieve theosis.)
The conversation continues on a bit, and then Pageau brings it back to theosis and the saints:
(This isn’t too far past the last video clip, but far enough that it might not get played above.)
I think the point here clearly hits at Peterson’s “indictment” above, possibly even better than his original answer, where he was more “on the spot” to give a good response. Yes, it is certainly true that most of us who call ourselves Christians don’t trust God enough to follow Him in our actual calling. To those who do, the limitations of nature itself hardly seem to apply. However, this “calling” is not reserved for the special few, but to each one of us, in our own ways. Those who successfully do this are the saints among us, both living and in the next world. Their lives serve as both an example and a comfort for those of us who aspire along the Christian path.
One of the things that I find most unusual about my path into the Orthodox Church was that it was influenced, in no small part, by St. Alexander (Schmorell) of Munich. I felt his presence around me in very strange ways over and over again. For example, after moving to Germany in 2002, I found the parish in Munich which I would be baptized, and which I would attend for the next four years. Mind you, this wasn’t his home parish, and at that point in time, he hadn’t been glorified as a saint, but was merely a fairly obscure figure in German history. However, that very first week, an edition of the church newsletter was distributed. It was in Russian, and beyond my comprehension for a “quick read”, but there was a picture of Alexander there in a feature for the newsletter, and I felt almost an immediate sense of “you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be”, but more than that, the beginnings of the sense of “I am with you.” Coming from a Protestant background, that was a very, very strange thing to experience, but I can’t adequately express how much it was a help and blessing.
The “Orthobros” may bash me for this, but I don’t think these saints are strictly limited to those recognized in the Orthodox church. (I don’t even think the Orthodox Church has recognized most of its own saints! This isn’t necessarily a deficiency in the Orthodox Church or any other church, it’s just the way the process is!) However, in so many ways, secular “culture” does its best to marginalize the saints. When they talk about sin, it’s quickly justified with variations of, “Everybody’s doing it”, “Nobody’s perfect” (“Only God is perfect”), or “Those who say they didn’t are lying”. In popular culture, priests are held up as figures of derision, disdain, and weakness, and monastics don’t even exist. No wonder Peterson doesn’t think that anyone lives up to the challenge of being a serious Christian! How discouraging that must be for someone who seems to honestly be seeking Truth!
Most of us aren’t in places that would do anything policy or culture. Even internet “influencers” usually have fairly limited reach. However, each of us has a certain sphere of people we come in contact with. I’m sure when Jonathan Pageau emailed Jordan Peterson back in 2015 to say he was really impressed by what he heard on the radio, he never would have expected that in a couple of years, Peterson would be world-famous, and he himself would be featured prominently in a number of Peterson’s projects, often speaking to a Christian perspective that Peterson can’t provide himself and to the reality of God in the very essence of the created world. If you look at the comments to that video, it’s almost crazy how many comments have been left in the last couple of years by people who either said that that video started them on a path to belief in God or even led them to find the Church (particularly Orthodoxy). Each of us, when we allow ourselves to follow and be transformed by Christ, become the saints who radiate God’s Love to a fallen world, making it harder for someone like Peterson to level the indictment against us, and giving those struggling with faith a hand.

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The Christmas Pig – Impressions

Years ago (2013-ish), somebody noted that in Disney movies, the Darling children from Peter Pan are virtually the only main character children who have both parents. It went viral online as “proof” that Disney “hates” families. This is ridiculous. A lot of children’s literature is permeated in loss, though many times it’s used as part of framing the situation, rather than something delved into in the stories. Why would a set of siblings end up living in a boxcar except that they had no parents? How else do you get a little girl set in the house of a spinster and her brother? This goes back to fairy-tales and beyond.

Image from a J.K. Rowling tweet The Christmas Pig, by J.K. Rowling is a little different. At the beginning of the book, the reader is introduced to Jack, a little boy who lives with his parents in England, who is the proud owner of a stuffed toy pig, which is his favorite toy, and which goes with him everywhere. The next couple of chapters start telling how Jack’s life changes as he starts getting a little older, including significant losses that happen along the way. In a way much of the story is incredibly common, but seeing it even mentioned like this in a kids’ book is unusual, to be sure, though maybe in this day in age, it ought not be so uncommon.
One of the things that has helped Jack cope with all the change and loss is the constant companionship of his stuffed pig, nicknamed D.P. And so it happens, one Christmas Eve, D.P. gets lost as well. Jack is beside himself. He’s willing to do anything to find D.P.
Jack is in luck, because as it turns out, Christmas Eve just happens to be a day for miracles, and through a little bit of magic, Jack is allowed to enter the “Land of the Lost”, even though it is strictly prohibited that a real human enter. From this point on, Jack is on a desperate quest to liberate D.P. from the Land of the Lost and bring him back home.

Artwork copyright Jim Field, who tweeted this image here. I ended up reading this book on the recommendation of John Granger, of HogwartsProfessor.com and the newer Hogwarts Professor Substack. (I’ve been “chatting” with John, on and off online for two decades now. I’ve got a couple of his excellent books, and I had the pleasure to meet him at a church event in 2010 or so.) Since the Harry Potter days, John and his crew really believe that Rowling is one of the best writers of this age, and work to do some really serious literary analysis of what she writes. I read this post about the book, and then listened to the podcast they put out about The Christmas Pig. The podcast clocks in at a little under 3(!) hours, which I listened to whilst driving around one weekend, and while it probably is too much for most people, a good chunk of the conversation was drawing parallels between “The Land of the Lost” and Dante, and even though I haven’t read Dante, this intrigued me.
The book did not disappoint. It’s probably one of the most well-written and imaginative books I’ve read in a very long time. Besides Dante, I’d also say that there are shades of The Velveteen Rabbit to be discerned here as well. The thought and detail given to the “levels” of the Land of the Lost is amazing, from “Surplus” to “Disposable” to “Bother It’s Gone” to the “City of the Missed”, etc. It’s so true – the things we lose end up in different categories from not even missed to loved and lost. The story is engaging and keeps moving at a pretty good pace – I never noticed any part dragging. There are the sad things in it, and there’s a little scariness, but nothing inappropriate, and would probably be good from about 7+, depending on the kid. From what I’ve read, J.K. Rowling envisioned it as being a read-aloud book for families, and practiced reading it aloud while writing it. It’s definitely engaging from an adult perspective as well, because certainly as adults, we’ve lost more “Things” than children have. There’s a lot going on as far as love and loyalty as well as resilience. Without giving anything of the plot away, I love the idea of how our attention “alivens” things, and that when it comes to things that are loved – like a child’s favorite toy – that they also kind of live on, even when they no longer exist on this plane.
I’d also like to note that Rowling has a sense of humor in her writing, and there are always little things that catch a person as particularly funny sometimes. Considering that Rowling started the book in 2012, the running joke in the book about “pajama boy” (the superhero with his own show), I can’t help but think she was also poking a bit of fun of “pajama boy” who showed up on the political scene in 2013. The idea that the two of them had anything to do with each other had me giggling on a couple of occasions!
I highly recommend the book, and hope that if you haven’t read it, you give it a chance. If you have read it, I’d love to hear your impression!

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Sunday Gratitude – 11.II.2024

This week was somewhat less stressful than last week due to the fact that the kids were feeling better, for the most part, and by Tuesday or so, I was feeling mostly better.
I’m grateful that even though I ended up with an errand that required a lot of driving, everything turned out well; I got the document that I needed, and there were no issues with the car or the trip. I’m grateful that I was able to turn part of that into something fun for my youngest, as I often feel kind of bad that she often gets “dragged around” with errands and the like.
I am thankful for the priest who is hearing my confessions. Life is crazy, but it’s been a blessing to get to know him. I feel very strange about a lot of things right now, and I suspect that there’s a reason God put him in my life.
I am grateful for old friends, and for new friends as well; for conversations and connections, and trying not to be to terrified to walk in the direction in which I seem to be led.
I am grateful to have a little bit of time where I can have quiet and think a little bit, even when it means missing the kids.

AI – but I forget the prompt I am grateful to have gotten a bit of sleep this weekend.
I’m grateful for God’s Love which is around me all the time.
I’m grateful for the patience so many people have had with me.
As always, I am thankful for you.

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Saturday on Substack – 10.II.2024

Check out the weekly rambling on Substack! https://open.substack.com/pub/breathofhallelujah/p/saturday-on-substack-10ii2024

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Last Anniversaries

Today is the 60th anniversary of the Beatles’ first performance on the Ed Sullivan Show.
Even having been born many years after this television event – and truly it was a television event – it still loomed large in the lore of my parents’ generation. Two-and-a-half months earlier, President Kennedy had been assassinated, an event collective enough that everybody expects that if one lived through it, one would remember where they were or what they were doing when they heard the news. The Beatles’ first appearance on the Ed Sullivan Show was something like this, except that there was little question about where people were – they were in front of their television sets. (Except for my mom. She said she was the only kid in her rural Iowa sixth-grade class who didn’t watch the Beatles on Ed Sullivan. And you wonder where my contrarian streak comes from! *L* Still, she remembers the event because it still was such a big deal.)
I can only imagine. Even now, there’s something innately charming about the “lads from Liverpool”. I don’t know that anybody could hear the music, but I’d expect that some part of the insanity that arose from the Beatles’ first trip to America had to have been the sense that the period of mourning was finally over; that it still may be winter, but there was now the tangible promise of spring. The life that had been muted down now burst forth again with a vengeance.
In this way, even though I was far too young to experience it myself, I understood that these experiences were part of the fabric of the generation before me, as much as things like the Columbine high school massacre and 9/11 would be for my generation. I suppose it’s not even just that these things happened, but each one of them caused the world to change.
In the ’90s, I remember there being a lot of 50th anniversary commemorations for World War II. I didn’t understand it so well, because to a kid, fifty years seems like a long, long time ago. Yet they were all close enough then that there were thousands of people who were showing up to all these events. Again, I couldn’t imagine that there would be a time when that would no longer be.
Then, in 2003, when I was living in Germany, I attended a couple of days’ worth of events connected with the 60th anniversary of the events surrounding the capture of the White Rose. There was an event in the auditorium of the university, and in the VIP section were a number of people who had personal connections to the White Rose. One of the women in attendance was Hertha Siebler-Probst, the widow of Christoph Probst. She was in her 80s and I was simultaneously amazed that she was still living and suddenly appreciative of how short a span of time sixty years is; that she was still living bore testimony to that.
Hertha Siebler-Probst wasn’t the only survivor there, but most of the others belonged to a slightly younger group who weren’t in Munich in 1943. Yet, by the 2013 anniversary, all but one or two were gone.
And so, with all the excitement about the 60th anniversary of the Beatles’ television appearance on Ed Sullivan, I also can’t help but feel a sadness. Sure, Paul and Ringo may live to see the 70th anniversary as well, but the generation for which this was a cultural milestone is rapidly passing away; as a kid, “everyone” remembered the Beatles on Ed Sullivan, these days, it’s incredibly weird that there are adults walking around who weren’t born when the World Trade Center in New York was still standing.
Oddly, the Beatles’ “final release” seems to touch upon this melancholy . I wasn’t particularly a fan of the song the first time I heard it, but it’s growing on me. Now and Then – the ghosts of what was once and the inevitability of last anniversaries.

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Wordless Wednesday #58 – Montana Jaunt









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What AI thinks of female programmers…

(just some silliness for the evening)
Yesterday, when I was finally posting my Saturday on Substack entry, I asked Substack’s AI picture generator to make me a picture of a “girl programmer” in an anime style. On Substack, each request fetches back four images, the idea that one of them might be what the writer is looking for. In this case, the results had me laughing, though the easily offended might be outraged, so consider this your trigger warning.
Image 1:

I like this one pretty well – one thing I really liked was how many books each of these images has, as though it knows a “girl programmer” would also love books. All these places seem quite cozy. I almost would have chosen this image, except… the girl is “typing” on her laptop, and the laptop is closed! I guess AI doesn’t think she knows any better! *L*
Image 2:

Books, check. Electronics, check. Computer, check. Programming? Only if one does that on paper *behind* the computer. On one hand, sure, I think a lot of people could use more time planning before actually programming, including on paper, but not quite the image of “girl programmer” I had in mind.
Image 3:

I love this picture! Here we are, and it looks like there’s a girl and a boy in the room. Again, things are placed oddly (apparently this AI is not great at, say, deducing relationships of things on a desk, for instance), but to my eyes, it certainly looks like the girl needs the boy to do the programming for her. (I suppose I should be glad that the AI didn’t take “girl programmer” in the context of “someone who programs girls!)
Image 4:

This is the one I went with, though I’d love there to be more books in the room. I’m impressed, though that in each of these pictures, as well, they don’t expect the girl to be programming in a basement or a cubicle!
So you see here how AI promulgates sexism against women in computing! (kidding… kidding…) I hope you can sleep tonight knowing such injustice in the world exists!

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Sunday Gratitude – 4.II.2024

This week has really been dominated by the kids – and then me – getting sick. I’m grateful that although whatever this is has been sticking around, none of the kids has been dangerously sick. I’m grateful that appointments that were made before could be rescheduled, and appointments that needed to be made this week happened as well. As lousy as everything was, I’m glad that if I had to get sick with the kids, I got hit with the worst of it on Friday night, which meant that I didn’t have to drive anyone to school feeling completely awful the next day. I’m grateful that although the bug seems to be viral, it doesn’t seem to be strep, flu, or Covid. I’m even grateful that I had an excuse to learn something in my forced downtime.

I saw one of these solar halos again a couple of weeks ago! I’m grateful that I got to do something with my oldest – even if it wasn’t something she necessarily wanted to do and I wasn’t the person she wanted to do it with.
I am grateful to be at the end of “Hostage to the Devil“. I’m glad I read it, but it’s the opposite of a “light read”.
I am thankful that the weather has been nicer, and it was nice to get hit with the sunshine coming through the window this afternoon. I’m sure this is the infamous “false spring” (and usually the “first false spring”), but I cracked the kitchen window open about an inch for a couple of hours this afternoon, and it was glorious! Fresh air!
I’m grateful for God’s Love which is around me all the time.
I’m grateful for the patience so many people have had with me.
As always, I am thankful for you.

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